Community story
Raj — What I Didn't Expect From My First Men's Circle
On expecting the worst, getting the opposite, and what it's like to sit in a room with other men who mean it.
Raj, MENd member (shared with consent) · 3 min read
I'll be honest — I'd built up this picture in my head of what a men's circle would be. Drums. Chanting. Someone with a stick telling me to feel my feelings.
It wasn't like that at all.
It was eight blokes in a room. We introduced ourselves. Someone asked a question. We each took a turn to answer if we wanted. Nobody interrupted. Nobody fixed anything for anyone else. When it was my turn, I said less than I could have. That was fine.
What I didn't expect was the quiet. When you're used to conversation being a competition, being in a room where nobody's trying to win it is disorienting for about ten minutes. Then it's the most restful thing you've done in years.
I've been going every fortnight for eight months now. I've cried once. I've laughed a lot. I've heard other men say things I thought only I felt.
If you're on the fence, my advice is to try one. Not four. Not commit to a year. Try one. See what it's like when nobody's trying to win.
Looking for connection?
There's a room in this for you.
MENd Together runs free and low-cost groups every week — trauma-informed, safeguarded, and open to any man. You don't need a referral. You don't need to say anything you don't want to say.